First Lady Michelle Obama’s new bangs sparked widespread discussion yesterday among the media and general public, mainly because they initiated an illegal drone strike that resulted in the death of a small Yemeni boy. “Michelle’s bangs need to go,” said CNN commentator Lacey Morse. “We cannot allow these bangs to recklessly bomb yet another Arab country. I don’t care how they look. No one does.” After the courts swiftly ruled that the bangs were in clear violation of American and international law, the bangs were arrested and removed from Michelle Obama’s head.

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