Partly Cloudy, 64°
According to a recent study, your microwaveable stuffed animal actually gets kinda scared when he’s in there.
“I usually heat him up for like three minutes and that does the trick,” said Ashley Haverford, locking her rice-filled golden retriever in the dark, grease-stained box. “I have used Mr. Fuzzers so much that now I can’t really fall asleep without him.”
“He’s so cuddly and warm,” remarked Haverford over the roar of the rickety machine as she watched the dog spin in circles for 180 seconds of fiery pain. As the dog curled in upon itself, eyes staring blankly, unable to escape the inescapable, penetrating radiation, she added, “And he looks so cute spinnin’ around in there!”
“He’s my favorite little guy! Always there when I need him,” said Haverford, waiting for the shrill scream of the timer going off and removing the dog from the steaming microwave. “Ooo ouch, he is burning up! Oopsy, a little too much time in the microwave this time. Oh well, he’ll be okay!
At press time, a PillowPet was experiencing imposter syndrome.
