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The Brown Noser

Mid-Tier Mob Boss Can Only Make Enemies Swim With Minnows

Published Friday, October 30th, 2020

Sources report that mid-tier mob boss Franklin Bargetzo can only make his enemies swim with the minnows. While other mob bosses of repute and standing have famously been able to make those who cross them swim with the fishes at their weakest of whims, Bargetzo can only seem to scrape together some lowly minnows, which are the smallest of fishes.

“I suppose you just gotta work your way up with these sorts of things,” offered Bargetzo modestly, stroking a gerbil instead of a hairless cat like a true mobster. “Would it feel good to be able to confidently stand in front of my enemies, knowing that if I really wanted to I could threaten to place them in the company of some tuna and maybe a trout? Sure it would.”

“But me and my guys, we know where we stand. We’re minnow guys. And if anybody has a problem with that, well, they know where they’ll be. With the minnows, yeah,” declared Bargetzo, resigned to his pitiful standing in the mafia world. “You know, we haven’t been out here too long yet. We’re still getting a feel for this whole mob thing. Check back on us in a little bit. The bigger fish will come.”

At press time, Bargetzo was ruthlessly beheading a stuffed horse doll to be placed in its owner’s bed.

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