Sunday, December 17, 2017
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The Brown Noser

Mid-Year Completion Ceremony Just Graduates Picking Up Diplomas At Mail Services While Trumpet Plays

Published Friday, December 1st, 2017

Explaining that it celebrated the accomplishments of the many “.5ers” who graduate in December, sources confirmed that the Mid-Year Graduation ceremony consisted of Graduates picking up diplomas at mail services while a man played the trumpet.

“Today we celebrate our .5ers by putting a trumpeter in the mail room to entertain them as they come pick up their diplomas,” said Dean Maud Mandel, who sent the mid-year completers an email that said “Congrats!” in the subject line but had no text in the body. “The trumpeter will play whenever a student comes for their diploma, so we can show how special they are to us.”

Mandel confirmed that the ceremony will have no procession, speakers, spectators, and it will not be preceded by a celebratory week.

“We want to give these students a chance to feel like they’re graduating with everyone else,” Mandel continued, “so we put the trumpeter in the mailroom to make it extra special. Of course, if they don’t want to pick it up, that’s fine too.”

At press time, members of the administration realized they had forgot to tell the completers when to pick the diplomas up.

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