With uncertainty surrounding President Trump’s health in the wake of his coronavirus infection, Vice President Mike Pence’s programmers are reportedly rushing to add the Presidential Oath to the list of things that the Vice President can say. “We need to clear more hard drive space to make room for the oath of office!” the Vice President’s head programmer shouted to her team, frantically rerunning her code to debug Pence’s inability to repeat the oath when prompted. “He could need to use this sentence any day now, and he’s nowhere near set up to say it. Which of his old phrases can we delete? He’s gonna need the ability to continue repeating his other dozen preset sayings, like ‘Look, I’m pro-life,’ and ‘I haven’t read the president’s tweet.’ God, we just don’t have the hardware we need for this!” At press time, the Vice President’s programmers cut the wrong wire, causing Pence to no longer believe that climate change is a hoax.

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