Standing on an ice floe with several week’s supplies left, sources in Arctic Expeditioner Robert Broadson’s party report he was way too quick to propose eating the sled dogs.

“After the ice broke off and we were stuck here for a couple of hours, he started scribbling in this yellowed notebook about how ‘The North takes no prisoners,’” said party member Gerard Piche, gauging the weather on his Garmin sat-phone. “Then he teared up looking at Nanook, our favorite sled dog.”

Party members report that Broadson was only two days into the expedition, and still plainly in sight of a polar research station. After using their ample supplies to cook a dinner of Alaskan salmon with dijon glaze and a side of asparagus, party members reportedly hoped Broadson would cease alluding to “the depravities of survival.”

“Fellas, I think it’s time we discussed desperate measures,” said Broadson, picking a bit of salmon from his beard. “I’m sure we’re all thinking it, but I’ll be the one to say it. We need to eat the sled dogs.”

At press time, Broadson had gathered everyone but the smallest member of the party and proposed they resort to cannibalism.

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