Eyewitnesses at East Side Pockets report that, after leaving his table in search of napkins, modern-day hunter-gatherer Andrew Foster brought back enough to sustain his whole family for the duration of the meal. “He had gone out in search of necessary resources and had come back with enough for his clan,” said a customer sitting at the table next to the present-day forager. “The way he foraged for napkins at the restaurant’s main counter, returned to his family, and then piled the napkins in the center of the table was very reminiscent of early humans in the Lower Paleolithic era.” At press time, the twenty-first-century scavenger was searching for a full bottle of ketchup on the other tables.

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