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The Brown Noser

Mom Definitely Thinks Uber Is Type Of Drug

Published Friday, April 29th, 2016

After months of speculation, children of Denise Campos have come to the conclusion that their mom definitely thinks Uber is a drug.

“Yesterday, my brother and I were talking about how often we use Uber since it’s so fast and affordable,” reported Denise’s daughter Sadie. “Mom must have overheard because I saw her head whip around at the word “using” and she immediately started nervously making the sign of the cross. She totally thought we were talking about drugs.”

According to Sadie, her mom’s confusion began after she misinterpreted the title of an article about the dangers of using Uber. Since then, Denise has been ambiguously working the name of the ride-sharing service into warnings aimed at her children.

“Just please don’t use Uber,” Denise cautioned her daughter last weekend. “It just isn’t as safe as they want you to believe. I just read an article about a girl your age who died while using it in Boston.”

At press time, Denise announced plans to DVR an upcoming 60 Minutes special about the prevalence of Uber on college campuses but admitted she probably wouldn’t get around to watching it any time soon.

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