Replacing a display case of fencing trophies with a treadmill, bereaved mother Jessica Wallack is wasting no time turning her newly dead son’s bedroom into a home gym.

“It’s beyond sad to no longer have Jeremy in the house,” said Wallack as she began to take apart Jeremy’s bed to make way for a brand new Peloton. “I’ll miss his smile and—actually, let me save that for the funeral tomorrow. Now I gotta focus on how to turn this crazy thing on!"

Wallack remarked that her son’s death has prompted a swell of emotions within her: the grief of the loss, anger at herself, and agony over which corner of Jeremy’s bedroom would be the best place for a little mini-fridge with juice in it.

“Sometimes I feel like he’s still in the house with me, you know?” said Wallack as she did her daily ab workout on a yoga mat rolled out where Jeremy used to do his geography homework. “It’s such a weird feeling to be an empty nester, what with Jeremy’s death and Julia at Vassar. But at least this extra free time will help me build my dream body!”

At press time, Wallack missed a phone call from her alive daughter so she could focus on cardio.

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