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Hitchhiker Leslie Marens, a deranged serial killer planning on strangling the first person to offer him a ride, was picked up off the side of the highway late Thursday evening by cannibal Stan Litchmore, sources confirm.
“Felt like killin’,” said Marens. “Really really wanted to get in some good throttling before I went to sleep that night.”
According to sources, Litchmore had counted on being able to take a hapless hitchhiker back home in order to cook, fillet, and eat his flesh.
“When I came across Leslie standing with his thumb out, I was simply overcome,” said Litchmore. “There’s nothing sweeter than the meat of a man or woman in their prime. I just knew I had to eat him, a fellow human being, because I am a cannibal.”
“My favorite part is the legs,” added Litchmore.
The car ride to Litchmore’s house reportedly took about 20 minutes, during which time they made mild small talk while each remained entirely focused on murdering the other.
“I was really looking forward to putting my hands on his neck and squeezing every last bit of life from his body,” Marens said. “Then he brought up how tender my calves looked, and I realized he wanted to eat me.”
“It never occurred to me that Les wanted to strangle my neck or that he had strangled countless people before we crossed paths,” Litchmore said. “I guess I was too busy staring at his supple figure and contemplating which human-spices I’d be using on his ribs.”
The evening ended when the two realized their conflicting goals and decided to drive off together in search of a hapless victim to share.
