Tuesday, September 25, 2018
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The Brown Noser

My Heart Will Always Be In Cleveland But The Rest Of My Body Will Be Cryogenically Preserved To Achieve Immortality by LeBron James

Published Friday, September 14th, 2018

Dear Cleveland,

I may have joined the Los Angeles Lakers but don’t think that makes my time in Cleveland any less special. Your support has meant the world to me and my heart will always be with you. However, the rest of my body will be cryogenically preserved to achieve immortality.

Cleveland, you took a young kid who always dreamed of playing basketball in the NBA, and turned him into a man who won 2 MVP’s in a Cavalier uniform. For that, I love you, and you will forever have my affection and heart. Yet, the rest of me will be frozen so that when the technology develops to create immortal human beings, I will rise again.

I grew up in Akron, and will always call Northern Ohio my home. My admiration for you runs deep, and I’m honored to have brought back a championship in 2016. Therefore, when Father Time calls for me, my heart will be extracted and embalmed in a vacuum sealed container within the Cleveland Clinic Hospital. Yours forever.

However, my arms, legs, torso, brain, and all other vital organs will be preserved within state-of-the-art cryogenic chambers so that when science eventually catches up to Father Time, I will be ressurected and continue to dominate professional basketball for eternity. Maybe back in Cleveland! But also maybe with the Celtics. Who knows what the league is going to look like then.

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