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The Brown Noser

NASCAR to Investigate Newly Erected Banana Peel Factory Next to Racetrack

Published Saturday, February 18th, 2023

Sources close to NASCAR have announced they will be closely investigating the recently constructed Banana Peel Factory placed conspicuously close to their racetrack.

“When we caught wind of all this, we were far from surprised,” said Grace Frostin, Commissioner of NASCAR. “We’ve been seeing signs of foul play for quite some time now. It began with the ‘Oil Slick Distributors’ repeatedly and ‘accidentally’ tripping and falling while walking on the racetrack. Then with that piano salesman who kept surreptitiously leaving his Steinways hanging over the starting line.”

The Commissioner declined to comment on any potential suspects, but sources suggest that it could be the man they keep seeing standing just barely in a shadow, wearing a trench coat and a fedora, smoking a long cigarette.

“When we catch this son of a bitch there’s gonna be hell to pay,” said Commissioner Frostin as she cracked both her neck and knuckles. “If the culprit is listening, just know our punishment will be swift and merciless. For tampering violations like these the sentencing is always the same. We swing a big hammer down on top of their head.”

At press time, NASCAR received a large wooden parcel at their door labeled only, “ACME.”

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