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This fractured nation has come together with a common plea for scat musicians to call their craft literally anything else.
“We understand there’s a lot going on, but this terminology has to change,” said Charlie Grossberg, an organizer who, along with thousands of others, has been relentlessly contacting local jazz clubs. “It’s a really gross name. And there’s no good reason for it to be called that.”
“We’ve been trying to get them to change it since the 90s, and we were told that it was an ‘established art form’ with a name ‘rooted in history’—which I acknowledged while also informing them that scat means poop and poop is gross,” continued Grossberg, checking the cause’s petition which had just surpassed 30 thousand signatures. “At that point, the Jazz Foundation of America stopped returning my calls. I pivoted to the American Jazz Music Society, who were similarly blind to the abject nature of the term.”
“We have no intention of changing the name just because of potential associations with feces,” said Franklin Reed, the director of the American Jazz Music Society. “The efforts of Grossberg and his reactionary coalition harm the legitimacy of jazz.”
At press time, a group of very hungry activists were protesting a ‘misleading’ salsa dance-off.
