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The Brown Noser

Nation Marks Anniversary Of Shutdown With Commemorative New COVID Strain

Published Friday, March 12th, 2021

As the first anniversary of the nation’s pandemic shutdown approaches, the United States has unveiled a commemorative new COVID strain to mark the solemn occasion.

“To pay tribute to the difficult year we’ve all endured, we’re launching a brand new COVID-19 strain for a limited time only,” said Dr. Anthony Fauci in a press conference, encouraging the nation to reflect on the hardships of the pandemic by getting their hands on this rare, collectible strain of the dangerous disease. “And this fresh new strain may just become vaccine-resistant, so this may become a seasonal memorial event in future years.”

People all across the country have reportedly clamored to get their own exposure to this first-anniversary strain of the coronavirus, picking it up at restaurants, bars, parties, sporting events, and other large, unmasked gatherings.

“We cannot simply move on from what has happened — we must remember all that we’ve lost by getting a taste of the one-year memorial strain of COVID,” Fauci continued, adding that the latest strain is available for infection anywhere people interact. “Our country can never forget the great challenges the pandemic has imposed on us all since last March. And, thanks to this hot new strain dedicated one year out from the beginning of the nation’s shutdown, we may never again be far from the harrowing effects of this pandemic.”

At press time, the U.S. had already begun preparations for the second-anniversary version of COVID-19.

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