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In a report from the National Climate Data Center (NCDC) released yesterday, climate scientists suggest Americans reduce carbon emissions as well as possibly encourage their children to play high stakes games of “floor is lava,” for no reason in particular.
“Reducing carbon emissions is impotant, and can be fun for the whole family,” said NCDC Representative Nora Pyles. “And this ‘floor is lava’ game is just plain fun! The kids are gaining valuable experience in teamwork, imagination, and their ability to jump across chasms of flesh-eating lava, not that will ever be a problem, ever.”
“Now, I’m not saying that the world is on its way to becoming a lava-fueled oven,” added Pyles, sweating profusely. “Because that definitely, probably isn’t happening. What I’m saying is that ‘The Floor is Lava’ is going to help your kids learn how to have fun with friends, and if it were ever a problem, which again, it will not be, avoid surfaces that are hot enough to set their bones on fire.”
The NCDC also suggested in the report that Americans reduce their water consumption as well as play with Lego sets, which are ideally packaged with about 20 percent of its pieces missing, and in place of those pieces, each set will have a random assortment of miscellaneous, everyday items, such as a saltine wrapper or a rubber band.
“The Lego sets are great because they are fun, colorful, and could, if need be could build the foundation for children to make tough decisions, not that that need will arise,” said Pyles. “For instance, do they use the saltine wrappers to plug that drafty hole in the cave ceiling or do they leave their little Lego men with a higher risk of catching pneumonia and use the wrappers to finish the makeshift entrance cover? Typical children’s games, you know?”
The report further stated that all children should prepare to live in a world where everything is constantly on fire, and love it, not that the aforementioned scenario will ever be an issue, ever.
