This morning, a coalition representing this nation’s drowning swimmers announced plans to glurgh blugh glurbbb.
“Powerful words from a historically marginalized group,” said a local lifeguard, giving a salute to the drowning swimmers in front of him. “We lifeguards really need to be doing more to amplify their desperate and unintelligible voices.”
“It’s really just a shame we can’t do more for them,” continued the lifeguard, speaking up to be heard over the loud splashing and gasping. “The best we can do right now is to make sure their struggle is heard and that we keep our minds and hearts open to their fight against water.”
At press time, the drowning swimmers could not be reached for further comment

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