Partly Cloudy, 64°
Representatives of the League of Former Lesbian Situationships have recently unveiled their newest plan to keep acting the same as when you were romantically involved but totally platonically this time.
“You are my everything, and I’m truthfully only at peace when we’re together,” your ex-situationship said, cutting off a strand of your hair to keep in her locket forever. “I’m really happy that we can continue to share this sweet friendship.”
“Darling, divine love of my life, I need you so badly, ” said the former situationship later, calling you at 1am to cuddle in her bed and talk until dawn while wrapped in each other’s arms. “I hope you know how much I treasure your friendship, and I love that our situationship evolved into something so healthy, platonic, and normal. I trust that we’ll always be here for each other, as friends.”
“Look, I made you a gift, a sign of my undying devotion! I crocheted this sunshine plushie for you because I can’t stop thinking about the day we met, when it felt like the sun had turned on for the first time in my life,” giggled your ex, who would undoubtedly make out with you at next weekend’s party. “You’re such a great friend, and I want to make sure you never forget that.”
At press time, straight men were announcing their plans to treat you like shit both during and after your situationship.
