Wiping their hands on their monster truck t-shirts, the nation’s little boys recently announced plans to show you how high they can jump. “Are you watching? Are you watching? It doesn’t count if you aren’t watching!” said the little boys, bright red with sweat and excitement. “We’re definitely gonna need a running start for this one, so you should probably back up. Okay, you say ‘ready, set, go’ and then we do the jump on ‘go.’” At press time, the little boys were announcing further plans to show you their best cannonball in the pool.

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