This past Sunday evening, the nation’s moms curled up on the couch with a glass of wine and turned to America’s attractive male news anchors for consolation in the midst of the global crisis. “Anderson Cooper and David Muir are the only men I trust to tell me the truth about what’s going on in the world,” said Karen Greene, staring deeply into Muir’s twinkling eyes on her television screen. “Politics can be scary, but when I listen to the dulcet tones of Anderson or David’s voice, I know that everything is going to be okay. And he’s not too bad on the eyes either.” At press time, the nation’s teenage brothers were turning to Joe Rogan for all things COVID.

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