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The Brown Noser

"Love Is Blind" Betroths Man With Smooth Talking Horse

Published Friday, May 3rd, 2024

Netflix’s flagship reality romance show “Love Is Blind” just wrapped up their sixth season, betrothing man, Jake, with charismatic Clydesdale, Dakota.

“We created this show to give our single audience hope, to show them what dating can look like without shallow physical beauty standards,” said Executive Producer Elizabeth Mann, holding out an open palm full of hay to an eager Dakota. “Dakota here is quite the charmer! He shared a lot of interests with Jake, which is why Jake ended up proposing in the pods. They both really valued open spaces, and proximity to water. Dakota had Jake’s exact sense of humor, and they both had similar tattoos on their lower haunch. They’re made for each other!”

“I can’t say I expected it, but I guess Dakota said he was only tall when he stands on two legs,” said contestant Jake, looking surprisingly accepting of his new partner. “I don’t know, everyone seems to be overreacting a little. I loved getting to know Dakota in the pods, why should his appearance change the way I feel about him? I’m just a man who loves a horse, is that so wrong?”

At press time, Storage Wars pits two shipping containers full of unwanted furniture against each other in a fight to the death.

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