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Earlier this week, the research team that worked on a series of groundbreaking studies funded by the departments of English and Literary Arts officially announced their final results, which offer enticing new evidence for words.
This startling research, performed as a collaboration between professors and graduate students from the departments of English, Literary Arts, Comparative Literature and some local high school English teachers, has finally answered the question that scientists have not yet even been able to ask.
Lead researcher James Henry said that while sentences have long been understood and even successfully engineered, their mechanism of action had only been theorized. “We simply didn’t have the theoretical tools to make these thoughts until now,” he said.
Copley said that while some people argue that the humanities has no real purpose because it is not grounded in any evidence or objective investigation, they are wrong and it actually does have a purpose because of this study which found that words.
But according to Henry, the theorists on his research team, and their hard work in rigorous thinking, methodical theorizing and painstaking observation through many interpretive lenses, only represent a fraction of those responsible for these latest discoveries.
Henry said these results may finally provide convincing evidence for String Theory, the long-debated notion that sentences are composed of strings of smaller units. “We even found that words may actually be related somehow to letters, a theorized sub-verb unit that is being thought about on the cutting edge of Particle Literature,” Henry said. “We hope to theoretically test this theory in our next project, after the completion of construction on the large etymological collider, where we will essentially smash Latin roots together at close to 150 words per minute and study the unexpected phonological products.”
Graduate students from the department of Art History have announced plans to perform follow up research in collaboration with the Visual Arts and Modern Culture and Media departments. VISA graduate student Andrea Wilkinson said she is optimistic about the experimental results, which she hopes to publish in a peer-reviewed exhibit at the Rhode Island School of Design Museum.
“While we are hesitant to discuss our hypotheses at this time, we do believe that, if our current models are accurate, our results may finally suggest pictures,” he said.
