In a statement released last Tuesday, Fox News announced the hiring of their newest reporter, a conventionally attractive demon. “He’s going to fit right in,” said Fox News CEO Rupert Murdoch about the new hire. “The decision was really a no-brainer since he had all the qualifications we look for. This guy has great bone structure, shiny hair, and is a devil.” The statement went on to announce that the conventionally attractive demon will be cohosting a morning news segment with a very expensively dressed goblin.

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