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The Brown Noser

New Inmate Won't Stop Talking About How Things Were Done At His Old Prison

Published Friday, April 25th, 2014

According to the reports of both facility workers and fellow prisoners, Robert Haring, a recently matriculated inmate at Colquitt County Correctional Institution, won’t stop talking about how things were done at his old prison, Pulaski State, the facility from which he was recently transferred.

“At Pulaski State, they don’t have assigned seating at lunchtime,” said Haring. “Also at Pulaski State, they do roll call in reverse alphabetical order, yard time is non-mandatory, and they organize the lunch line differently.”

Whether folding laundry as part of his prison labor, showering or turning out his bed for inspection, Haring always notes how this task has handled more efficiently at Pulaski State. Similarly the social mores of prison culture, rapport between inmates and correctional staff, and the daily schedule of work and recreation were all, by Haring’s account, handled in a much different way at his old prison.

“According to Robert, inmates at Pulaski State organize and perform a theatrical review show every season,” said David Seymour, guard at the facility. “He did a monologue from ‘Glengarry Glen Ross’ there last autumn.”

“Robert certainly seems to have been at home at his old prison,” Seymour continued. “But I think that, if we’re all patient with him, Robert will come around to the Colquitt Country Correctional Institution way of doing things.”

At press time, Haring was explaining an inside joke shared among all Pulaski prisoners to several of his new peers.

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