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According to scientists, the Bermuda Triangle could theoretically catch more planes if it were square-shaped.
“After extensive analysis, we’ve determined that the triangle shape is probably suboptimal for trapping planes and making them disappear,” announced head researcher Harold Latimer, drawing several large circles around a picture of a square taped to his whiteboard. “It’s all boils down to area. Our groundbreaking work has confirmed what many in the scientific community have long suspected: that squares are bigger than triangles because squares have an extra side. The Bermuda Triangle is no exception to this rule.”
“While we were researching relevant regions in the Atlantic Ocean and Caribbean Sea, I had this crazy lightbulb moment,” revealed Latimer, throwing toy planes into a square-shaped bucket of water. “I was like, ‘Wow. Hold up. A square could go here, and possibly a very big one.’ I knew instantly that this real-world application of our theory would significantly augment the percentage of planes that vanish into terrifying obscurity!”
“I firmly believe that if the Bermuda Triangle adopted our square model, it could eventually eat every single plane in the world, especially the big dumb ones!” continued Latimer, staring dreamily at a doctored photograph of a 747 being sucked into a massive vortex of water. “It’s amazing what the scientific method can do.”
At press time, the Pentagon was being downgraded to a rhombus to attract fewer planes.
