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"Researchers from the Brown Astrology department concluded this week that the Thayer Street tunnel between Angell and Waterman connects directly to the Dagobah System.
Analysis of the tunnel began in 2004 after several members of the Brown community grew suspicious of the sources from which so many RIPTA buses were emerging onto Thayer Street.
After RIPTA officials were found to be unavailable for comment, suspicions grew and a committee was formed to investigate.
""We wasted several months at the beginning simply sending students to walk down to the other end,"" says Warren Prell, Chair of the Geological Sciences department and Head of the Steering Committee on the Thayer Street Tunnel. ""After seven or eight students failed to return, we decided robots would be a better option. The information that they came back with was simply amazing.""
What the robots returned with was an extensive collection of images of the planet and an array of vital statistics. The planet is barely habitable with swampland as its only visible terrain and a meager 8% surface water. Its major species include swamp slugs, dragon snakes, and knobby white spiders.
The planet's only known sentient being, the Jedi master Yoda, was unavailable for comment, but he has yet to break anybody's spine in half with his mind, which sources say is an excellent sign.
Some members of the Brown community see this newfound connection as more than a scientific discovery, and are quickly putting the route to Dagobah to use. Luella Hill, organizer of the Brown Farmer's Market is now selling Knobby White Spider milk at her market stand, and the Brown Astronomy Club has been teaching a weeklong seminar on wormholes to any students who are interested. So far, four students have attended; three of whom allegedly thought it was a presale for tickets to the Wes Clark speech.
Despite these entertaining distractions, science is still the main focus here. ""This is a really exciting time for Brown,"" aid Herb Conrad, Chair of the Astrology Department. ""We're the first Ivy-League institution to have its own galaxy.
""There is still some question as to the whereabouts of the 8 missing students, but we're fairly certain that they did in fact make it to Dagobah. For now, letters have been sent home to their parents explaining that they have opted to spend the semester abroad."""
