Ross's articles
Spring breakers Emily Rothstein '12 and Jenna Harris '12 admitted to feeling "a little disappointed" when their ostensibly Mexico-bound airliner touched down in Afghanistan late last Saturday.
The navigational misstep allegedly began when an employee at Logan Airport in Boston mistakenly spelled Kabul with a C on the departures board.
Waves of hysteria broke out across campus last night as the Brown Concert Agency announced the successful booking of Andrew Suzuki '09 for Spring Weekend.
Suzuki will headline the evening concert on Friday, April 10th as well as the afternoon concert on Saturday, April 11th and the Sunday afternoon spot traditionally reserved for Dave Binder, confirmed a spokeswoman from Atlantic Records, which represents the artist.
Families on Sesame Street complained this month that Congress' $700 billion bailout plan will do nothing to ease their woes in the recent financial crisis.
Community Spokesmuppet Big Bird blamed the two Presidential Candidates for their inability to publicize the scope of the crisis.
Last Wednesday, Daily Herald columnist Ben Schreckinger '12 published an article under the heading "Humorists at Noser, Jug are Joining Forces." The article was so fully saturated with vulgar libel and unwarranted criticisms that I hesitate to mention its content in a paper as reputable and objective as the Noser.
The Bear Necessities gave only the paltriest of performances last night in Solomon 101 during their benefit concert for starving African children. Critics of the show noted that it was the most pathetic presentation by any Brown a cappella group since the Jabberwocks all caught mono in 1987 (from sharing drinks, of course).
A scene of unfathomable discomfort unfolded this past Wednesday as Jonathan Meadows '10 and Sarah Nussbaum '09 spotted each other on Thayer St. from a distance of no less than one and a half blocks. The events following this fateful sighting left participants and spectators alike in fits of embarrassment, self-consciousness, pity, and rage.
After his favorite shirt was completely ruined last Saturday evening, Matthew Dennis '09, President of the Delta Tau fraternity, has instituted a new sippy cup policy for all parties.
"It's a real shame that we can't trust in the motor skills of our peers anymore," remarked Dennis.
What began as a friendly wager between the competing staffs of the Verney-Woolley Dining Hall and the Sharpe Refectory has resulted in the largest display of bloodshed and broken plateware in the University's 244-year history.
First proposed by Executive Chef John O'Shea, the bet consisted of a contest of sorts between the staffs of the two dining halls.
Blue State Coffee announced plans this week to open an abortion clinic in an adjacent space underneath the New Pembroke Dorms. According to Co-Founder Marshall Ruben, the store "just wasn't blue enough. After this, I don't think anybody is going to doubt how liberal we are. We're hoping this move will make Blue State the definitive place to be if you're a liberal… and want either coffee or an abortion."
"I am green, and it'll do fine," Kermit the Frog told a crowded Salomon 101 Monday evening. In a speech sponsored by the Brown Lecture Board, the former-Muppet-turned-international-
celebrity addressed the environmental community and others about the challenges of upholding environmental standards in today's fast-paced and often unforgiving economy.
One Brown junior is proving once and for all that the pen is truly mightier than the sword. Julie McDuff '09 has established herself as Brown's foremost practitioner of figures of speech.
The Sultan of the Simile first discovered her unusual talent whilst perusing the Brown Daily Herald over breakfast in the Ratty with her roommate Emily Brent '09.
Concerned with the lack of scope of its recent community impact, the Brown Entrepreneurship Program announced this week that it plans to expand its horizons by founding a new organization whose purpose will be to start entrepreneurship programs for elementary school students in the Providence area.
In the wake of the tragic cancellation of this year's rendition of <i>Fiddler on the Roof</i>, Brown Hillel narrowly managed to fulfill its annual culture quota by acquiring a bunch of art turned down by the Bell Gallery student show.
University officials announced last Thursday that the Brown Sciences Library is in store for a little, well-deserved boost of confidence.
It's no secret that this spring has seen its fair share of odd weather, but students and professors alike in the Geological Sciences Department are dumbfounded by the unexplained haze that covered the campus this past week.
"It was just one of those nights," said Daniel Mahajiani '09 of the mayhem he raised across campus this past Saturday.
The night allegedly began with a "power-hour" in which Mahajiani and four of his closest friends each took one shot of beer every minute, on the minute, for an entire hour.
In the wake of emPOWER's successful campaign to make Brown a climate neutral campus, a group of outraged students convened this month to form the Brown Anti-Climate Coalition.
Following the successful production of Jean-Paul Sartre's "The Flies," Production Workshop announced this week that it will be holding auditions for their newest play, Eug�ne Ionesco's "Rhinoceros," this coming month.
"The Flies" was directed by James Rutherford '07, who came up with the unique idea of unleashing 30,000 live fruit flies onto his audience to allow them to actively participate in the play by thinking of themselves as citizens of the ancient city of Argos.
This month, Cisco Systems sued Apple over a trademark infringement, claiming that they own the rights to the name "iPhone." Wanting in on the action, the artist known as Sisq� (born Mark Alvathan Andrews) has been routinely appearing at the court hearings, attempting to defend his claim to "iPhone" as the trademarked title of the 9th song on his first album <i>Unleash the Dragon</i>.
The 1985 sports car currently parked outside of Barus and Holley has many Brown students wondering exactly what the Brown Physics Department has been up to of late.
For 115 years, The Brown Daily Herald has been acclaimed as the only humorous publication on campus. The paper has a rich tradition of comedy, from their amusing spins on campus news to their laughably unfunny comics. Particularly droll have been attempts to remain objective when reporting on hard-hitting issues, such as Daily Jolt posts that discuss "cats' tendency to lick their own crotches" and how "well managed" SexPowerGod was.
The Brown Noser salutes you, Guy with Bandana. You craft your paninis with precision and mold with passion. All other panini makers at the Gate pale in comparison, with your superior onion distribution and perfectly balanced sauce application. I know I can rely on you to get it right every time.
Researchers from the Brown Astrology department concluded this week that the Thayer Street tunnel between Angell and Waterman connects directly to the Dagobah System. Analysis of the tunnel began in 2004 after several members of the Brown community grew suspicious of the sources from which so many RIPTA buses were emerging onto Thayer Street.
Today, I noticed electric curtains in the V-Dub. They slid up and down, and even remained stationary halfway, so as to provide varying amounts of light for diners. And all it took was for a BDS staff member to walk over and press a button. Now, that's a bold change.
"Food Review: Happy Dumpling
Do you a) smoke marijuana, b) drink alcohol, or c) engage in some other activity (illicit or otherwise) that leaves you craving a delicious, filling, and affordable snack late at night? Then Happy Dumpling is the place for you.
Generally, when one writes a review of an establishment, he can provide for you a number of statistics about it such as their menu, prices and hours of operation."
Partly Cloudy, 64°
