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The Brown Noser

New Starbucks Seasonal Drink Just Coffee Poured Over Scented Candle

Published Friday, October 26th, 2018

According to a recent press release by Starbucks Corporation, the company’s latest seasonal drink is just coffee poured over a scented candle. CEO Kevin Johnson explained that the new product is an innovative evolution of their beloved Pumpkin Spice Latte.

“This new line of drinks will be a game changer in the world of warm fall beverages,” reported Johnson in a press conference on Friday afternoon, as he sipped on his glistening wax-filled macchiato. “First, we place a small scented candle at the bottom of each cup. Then we pour hot black coffee straight over it and let the cup steep for a few minutes to really enhance the flavors. It’s the perfect waxy blend to warm you up on those cool autumn days."

“The new brewing process will allow us to offer so many more unique seasonal flavors,” Johnson said, explaining that the coffeehouse chain is partnering with Yankee Candle to debut three new coffee varieties this week: Harvest Pearl, Enchanted Moon, and Blue Twilight Storm.

At press time, Starbucks was considering plans to stuff tea bags with decomposing fall foliage.

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