Monday, September 21, 2020
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The Brown Noser

New Study Finds If You Vote Once And Get the “I Voted” Sticker, You Never Really Have To Vote Again Because You Already Have The Sticker

Published Friday, March 6th, 2020

A new study released by the Pew Research Center has found that if you vote once and get the “I Voted” sticker, you never really have to vote again because you already have the sticker.

“Our extensive research has concluded that when you participate in the democratic process for the first time by casting a vote, there’s really no point in voting in any future elections,” said Arnold Hartway, political scientist and lead researcher on the study. “The reason for this result is that you already have the sticker. You don’t need more than one sticker.”

“In fact, our study suggests that if you put that sticker on your laptop or water bottle so everyone knows that you voted, you’re effectively shielded from ever having to vote again,” Hartway explained, pulling out a Nalgene decorated with a faded “I Voted” sticker. “This sticker is from the 1996 election. I haven’t voted since.”

Further research has concluded that if you already have a Sunrise Movement sticker, you don’t really have to recycle anymore.

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