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The Brown Noser

New Study Finds People Are Inherently Good Until One Small Mistake Sends Them Spinning Down Self-Destructive Path

Published Friday, April 25th, 2014

A new study released by the Pew Research Center found that people are naturally well-behaved and moral until one small incident sends them winding down a self-destructive path for the rest of their lives. The study concluded that if people can avoid that one small mistake, they will continue living happy, successful lives until they die.

Jane Waldron, lead researcher, noted the significance of these findings. “We have made the breakthrough that, not only are people inherently good, but the only problem that catapults them into a self-destructive lifestyle is one little accident. People arrive at work on time, take care of their kids, and act in a benevolent manner—all until that unexpectedly infinitesimal problem sends them reeling out of line.”

“The causes could be as minuscule as sleeping through an important alarm, driving through a stop sign or not saving enough room for dessert,” remarked assistant researcher Edward Simpson. “These mundane circumstances can easily push someone over the edge. People say you shouldn’t sweat the small stuff, but these findings prove this proverb to be terribly false.”

At press time, a related study had concluded that unlike small mistakes, huge and tragic mistakes do not affect the outcome of one’s life at all, and should be treated with as little import as is humanly possible.

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