Friday, November 24, 2017
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The Brown Noser

Newly Discovered Fossils Reveal Dinosaurs Were Hot As Hell

Published Friday, November 3rd, 2017

During a remarkably successful dig in Argentina, a team of paleontologists discovered diverse dinosaur fossils which prove the ancient reptiles were hot as hell.

“It was immediately clear we were unearthing some really attractive organisms,” lead researcher Alex Morton said at a press conference last Tuesday. “We were shocked at how well preserved and objectively sexy these creatures were.”

Morton explained that by analyzing organic material found in their fossils, researchers determined that the dinosaurs were totally ripped, with visible six packs.

“Bone analysis shows that they had perfectly symmetrical facial bone structure and strong jaw-lines,” Morton said. “And with these evolutionary adaptations, it’s no surprise they were the fiercest and hottest predators roaming the earth during the Mesozoic Era.”

“We did know that many dinosaurs were carnivores, so the large fossilized teeth we found were no surprise,” he added. “What was surprising was how perfectly they were aligned. Who knew dinosaurs all had such perfect smiles?”

During the press conference, Morton stressed the importance of updating academic literature so that it more accurately represents how freaking hot dinosaurs were.

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