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The Brown Noser

Nissan Exec Keeps Pitching Ad Where The Cars Crash

Published Friday, October 30th, 2015

Stressing once again that he thought it could be really cool to watch, Nissan executive board member Greg Kelly pitched an advertisement in which two Nissan cars crash into each other at high speed on a highway or a race track.

“On one side, a shiny, red Maxima. On the other, a sleek, black Altima,” started Kelly, as other board members shook their heads in resignation. “They rev their engines, so we can hear how powerful they are, and then a green light, and off they go! Once they get up to 180, 200 miles an hour, they crash head-on and both get totally demolished."

One of the most dynamic board members, Kelly often employs his whole body in his pitches, demonstrating the movement of the cars by slamming his fists together and acting out the whiplash that would occur when the two cars collided.

“Maybe this car, the hood just crumples,” said Kelly, excitedly rolling fellow board member Hiroto Saikawa’s chair into CEO Carlos Ghosn’s. ”But this one here gets catapulted into the air, like this!”

Kelly argued further that it would be sick to see which car would win.

“Greg’s a valued member of the board,” said Ghosn, who has vetoed all of the nearly 40 heavy metal songs Kelly has brought in to backtrack the potential ad over the 13 years they’ve spent together on the board. “But he just doesn’t seem to understand that seeing cars crash doesn’t make people want to buy cars.”

Asked for a response, Kelly agreed that he definitely didn’t understand that and hopes that he never does.

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