Thursday, May 28, 2020
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The Brown Noser

No Graduation? Oh Ho! How The Tables Have Turned, My Sweets! by The Class Of 19.5

Published Friday, April 24th, 2020

My, my, my! What seems to be the problem? Is the Class of 2020 missing their special graduation? Such a shame!

We, the Class of 2019.5, would like to extend our most heartfelt, deepest sympathies to the current graduating class. It must be so hard to not have the entire community there to support you on your special day! Poor dears!

When we walked through the Van Wickle gates and became a part of a time-honored tradition, it felt like a pretty special moment, but you guys shouldn’t worry about that. If anything, that kind of antiquated rigamarole is overrated. And really, what’s the big deal? You just spent four years of your lives becoming adults, discovering your passions, and developing lifelong friendships at Brown. We can’t think of anything that really warrants celebration.

Please, lovelies, don’t feel that we take any joy in your lack of a graduation. We’re not at all bitter about the mediocre fanfare we received for achieving the same accomplishment. In fact, we appreciated the intimate feel of our ceremony. Sure, maybe there weren’t enough caps and gowns to go around and some of us had to wear bathrobes, and maybe CPax showed up late, but it was still nice. Though, we would have appreciated chairs at the ceremony.

Don’t fret. It seems as though your graduation is merely postponed, and not cancelled, so please, just let the poor ol’ Class of 2019.5 have this for a bit.

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