“None of the Oscar nominees were good,” said local man Eli Morris, who sources report must have good taste.

“Honestly, I think ‘Call Me By Your Name’ is way overrated,” said Morris, who apparently gets movies in a way that no one else does, and sees the flaws that everyone else must be missing. “And I couldn’t really get into ‘The Post.’ I was just like ‘what is the point?’”

“The ‘Shape of Water’ was way too convoluted,” continued Morris, whose understanding of cinema is on a completely different level than the rest of us. “’Darkest Hour’ and ‘Dunkirk’ were so self-indulgent. I feel like I had already seen better versions of those movies.”

“’Get Out’ was trash. ‘Phantom Thread’ was so overdramatic. And ‘Three Billboards was overrated. Ladybird was ok, but definitely not Oscar-worthy!” said the man whose aesthetic sensibilities far surpass any other’s.

At press time, Morris was thinking about going to graduate school for film.

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