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The Brown Noser

“None of the Oscar Nominated Movies Were Any Good” Says Man Who Must Have Good Taste

Published Friday, December 1st, 2017

“None of the Oscar nominees were good,” said local man Eli Morris, who sources report must have good taste.

“Honestly, I think ‘Call Me By Your Name’ is way overrated,” said Morris, who apparently gets movies in a way that no one else does, and sees the flaws that everyone else must be missing. “And I couldn’t really get into ‘The Post.’ I was just like ‘what is the point?’”

“The ‘Shape of Water’ was way too convoluted,” continued Morris, whose understanding of cinema is on a completely different level than the rest of us. “’Darkest Hour’ and ‘Dunkirk’ were so self-indulgent. I feel like I had already seen better versions of those movies.”

“’Get Out’ was trash. ‘Phantom Thread’ was so overdramatic. And ‘Three Billboards was overrated. Ladybird was ok, but definitely not Oscar-worthy!” said the man whose aesthetic sensibilities far surpass any other’s.

At press time, Morris was thinking about going to graduate school for film.

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