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Much to the chagrin of culinary masters and home chefs alike, sources report that the previously trusty nonstick pan isn’t.
“It sure would be nice if my nonstick pan actually was nonstick,” lamented a disgruntled Mick Mahoney, struggling to scrape residual scrambled eggs from his sticky nonstick pan. “Then I wouldn’t have to spend all this time scraping gunk off my nonstick pan that shouldn’t have been in here in the first place had my pan been nonstick.”
“I mean, if I wanted a sticky pan, I would have bought a regular freaking pan,” groaned Mahoney, running the faucet water in the hopes that if he let the crunchy bits in the falsely advertised nonstick pan soak a little, maybe they would be a little easier to remove. “Now I’m going to have to scrub this thing with a whole dish sponge, and then it really won’t be nonstick at all because any little bit of nonstickiness it had is gonna be all scraped off.”
“This pan is basically unusable now,” grunted Mahoney, resorting to just relegating the now-blemished nonstick pan to ‘dirty everyday pan I don’t show to guests.’ “Might as well just use it every day now and just let everything stick to it.”
At press time, the cling wrap was doing everything but.
