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The Brown Noser

Notes App Finally Gets Mileage In Midst Of Breakup

Published Friday, February 5th, 2021

Sources report that the Notes app on sophomore Kayla Guzman’s phone is finally getting mileage in the midst of a breakup.

“When I was in a committed relationship and my emotional state was stable, I hardly even knew that the Notes app was a thing,” said Guzman. “It was just this empty, neglected, blind spot on my device that wouldn’t be used even in the most obvious of circumstances, like creating a shopping list.”

Guzman, who dated Kyle Nielsen ‘22 for the better part of a year, has apparently decided that drafting rants to send to her friends, writing poems, and composing verbose texts to Nielsen on her Notes app is the best way to cope with her emotions. In the days since Guzman’s relationship fell apart, the frequency with which she creates new notes has increased tenfold, with the vast majority of the notes composed within the last week exceeding 500 words.

“This is the most authentic conduit for my real-time thoughts on the situation,” wept Guzman, draining her iPhone’s battery as she frantically edited and rewrote drafts of a Notes app essay. "And Kyle definitely still cares enough about me to thoroughly read through everything I write!”

At press time, Nielsen’s Tinder account was finally getting some action.

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