Partly Cloudy, 64°
Hi there new best friend! I know some people might think it’s a little soon to call you my best friend, but it’s been two whole days now and I can’t ignore the feelings inside of me. I realized it was true last night, so I made sure to sever ties with every friend I had during high school.
It’s obvious that we were destined to be friends; why else would Res Life put us together? We’re so compatible! You remember that ice cream social last night? We both chose mint chip. We also both like the Beatles. How crazy is that? What about how we both got up at the same time this morning, even though we never talked about it beforehand? I swear, it’s like we’re long-lost twins.
Now that we’ve established that we would each take a bullet for the other, I’m going to need to ask a favor of you: I need one of your kidneys. I feel awkward asking, but think about how many favors we’ve asked of each other over the days. Like how I asked for your phone number or how you asked me to stop sending you texts of smiley faces every five minutes.
I get it if you want to keep that spare kidney. How ironic would it be if you gave me a kidney and then your remaining one blew out? You can’t be too careful. You have every right to be a kidney hoarder. I mean if I had a working kidney right now I’d keep it too.
Basically, I totally understand if you don’t want to. It’d just be a nice gesture if you helped me out here and a great way to prove our newfound trust. Kind of like how I trusted in you and didn’t even ask my doctor about potential organ donor matches because I knew you’d be a match. Just think of the hilarious picture of us in matching hospital gowns that we can both use as our profile pictures!
I’m going to need some help after the operation, but I’m sure you’ll be right there for me. I’d be there for you if you needed me to spoon-feed you applesauce and other soft foods, which, coincidentally, is what my doctor told me I need to eat post-operation.
I don’t want to make this conversation too serious, but it hurts that you haven’t said anything about my random acts of kindness. For instance, I’ve been leaving the door cracked when you go to the bathroom so that you don’t have to use a key to get back in. The least you could do would be to go to my classes and take notes for me in return. It shouldn’t be that bad; Chinese is really simple to pick up. I also took out the trash this morning, so I’m sure you’d leap at the chance to repay me by strapping me down to the bed and cleaning me up when I wet myself due to night terrors.
I know it’s an odd favor to ask, but it’s nothing too extreme to ask of my bffl. I promise I’ll get you some fro-yo, a coffee or something to pay you back.
That reminds me: I sharpened your pencil, so I assume it’d only be fair for you to spot me $15,000 for the operation. Thanks bestie.
