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Swatting away cobwebs and swinging his lantern to get a better look inside, President Obama warily entered a secret passageway located behind an oval office bookcase Monday, White House sources confirmed.
The Commander-in-Chief discovered the hidden passage after tugging on an old, dusty book which acted as a lever, causing the room to shake precariously as the bookshelf moved out from against the wall by itself. Reports indicate that Obama stared and mouthed, “What the…”, as the shelf slowly opened and unveiled a long, shadowy corridor.
“Wonder what’s down here,” Obama said to himself, grabbing his trusty lantern and adding a loud, “Hello?” which echoed several times and faded into the darkness. “Anybody in here? Anyone? Where the heck am I?”
White House officials confirmed that the 44th President, who had never pulled a book from this particular shelf, quickly became trapped in the cavernous hallway as the shelf shifted back into place without his knowing it. Obama reportedly ran back to the entrance and banged on the stone wall that blocked the entryway, but it wouldn’t budge.
“Someone let me out of here!” Obama said without receiving a reply. “Michelle? Valerie? McDonough? Well, I’ve gotten myself into this mess. Now I’ve got to find my way out.”
The leader of the free world proceeded cautiously down the stone passageway, occasionally stopping nervously upon hearing a loud water droplet or the sound of bats dispersing, before finding himself in a dungeon-like room lit only by bits of sunlight poking through a small hole in the ceiling. Sources confirmed that at the center of the room was a mysterious altar upon which lay a book containing an ancient map.
“These inscriptions,” Obama said as he ran his fingers along the map’s face, which displayed engravings of indeterminate origin in an unknown language. “Hieroglyphics? No, it’s not possible. But who would do such a thing?”
“A long-lost Egyptian treasure?” Obama added as he took the map into his hands and studied it wide-eyed. “My god. Think of the implications. This mystery I’ve stumbled upon could change the course of American history—and it’s up to me to solve it.”
At press time, Obama could be seen standing at the edge of a precipitous drop into a small body of water, preparing to take a leap of faith.
