Partly Cloudy, 64°
That off-campus apartment you just toured has already been leased by a fetus in utero.
“Sorry about that, but the early bird gets the worm!” joked landlord Johnson Smithton, aka “Big J,” referring to the already leased apartment that featured decorative touches of chipped paint and ornamental black mold in its 4-square-foot bathroom. “This one gets snapped up quick, it’s hard to resist the rustic charm. I have a really great studio I could probably squeeze all five of you into though.”
“Me want,” read the unnamed fetus’s text to Smithton, prompting the tour’s end before you could see the washer and dryer conveniently located eight stories underground.
“We just really wanted It to feel prepared for the future, and It just wanted to get it over with—you know how housing can get,” said the fetus’s expectant mother, full of pride over her child’s proactivity.
At press time, the unborn child was unavailable for comment due to only being four months along and also being pretty busy recruiting for summer 2038 consulting internships.
