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The Brown Noser

Off-Campus House Abides By Strict Novelty Cup Only Rule

Published Friday, October 30th, 2020

According to the tenants at 63 John Street, their off-campus residence abides by a strict Novelty Cup Only rule.

“We like to keep things fun around here,” reported roommate Bree Dobbins ’21, opening a cupboard to reveal multiple shelves of kitschy drinking vessels. “And our cups are no exception. Mugs, water glasses, even champagne flutes — they’re all a little wacky. So we put this rule in place to keep us on track.”

“Our wine glasses say things like ‘wine o’ clock’ and ‘rose all day’ on them, and our shot glasses are all from theme park gift shops,” Dobbins continued, gesturing to row upon row of colorful glassware that closely resembled the housewares section of Goodwill. “And if a mug doesn’t have Garfield or one of our embarrassing middle-school class photos on it, we don’t want anything to do with it.”

“Plastic cups that randomly say ‘Newton Family Reunion 1986’ on them? Sign us up. A makeshift whiskey glass that’s just an old jam jar with Snoopy on it? Yes please! One of those giant mugs shaped like a butt? You bet. If it’s kooky and you put a drink in it, we want it in this house.”

At press time, the house mandated a rigid Silly Salt Shakers Only order.

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