Tuesday, November 24, 2020
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The Brown Noser

Officer, This Speeding Ticket Is Invalid Because It’s Opposite Day

Published Friday, October 30th, 2020

Now Officer, I do understand you’ve given me a speeding ticket here which says I sped and I have to pay the state $200. But what you might not be clued in on here is that it’s actually Opposite Day, which means this ticket is — unfortunately — invalid. In fact, if you were to try to put this ticket into the system, it would make you pay me $200 because the ticket was given on Opposite Day.

And by the way — when we started talking a couple minutes ago, we jinxed and I called it which I don’t think you heard, so you do owe me a coke. I think there are actually additional jinx rules specific to Opposite Day, but I don’t know them so I won’t hold you to that. I know you’re a busy guy like me haha. But technically you do owe me a coke at the very least, so we should definitely keep that in mind going forward.

I’ve also got your nose as you can see right here in my hand, which further throws a wrench into this ticket thing. Notwithstanding the fact that you owe me $200 and a coke now, if you were to attempt to detain me or call for backup — not that you should feel threatened or anything, after all I’m just explaining what’s going on to you because you clearly didn’t know when you pulled me over — you’d look pretty silly with your nose off of your face and in my hand instead.

And now that I’m thinking about it, if you were gonna call for backup or something, they’d also likely tell you it’s Opposite Day and that you owe me $200 because the ticket reversed back to you like in Uno. So how about I give you your nose back, I’ll forget the $200 and the coke, and we can both go on our ways? Ok sounds ‘bad,’ get it, because it’s Opposite Day? I mean that it sounds good.

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