Sunday, December 17, 2017
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The Brown Noser

Oh, I Totally Thought You Were My Friend Rebecca Until You Turned Around, She Has The Same Jacket, I Am So Sorry

Published Friday, December 1st, 2017

WAASSSUPPP BABYGI—Oh my gosh, I am so, so sorry. I thought you were my friend, Rebecca. Do you know her, Rebecca Thompkins? I swear she has the same purple jacket as you. If you knew her, you’d totally understand why I made the mistake. This is so embarrassing.

Ugh, seriously: horrifying. My sincerest apologies—Rebecca got a haircut recently, and I can’t believe I even have to question myself on this. Of course now that I see you, your hair is nothing like hers, even with her new highlights. What was I thinking?!

Wow, this is humiliating. To be clear, I would never just go up to a stranger and yell at them like that. Now I know why you didn’t turn around as I screamed, “HEY SWEET THANG! PIVOT THAT STEP!” It’s because you’re not Rebecca, so you didn’t know to pivot your step on that cue. You see, that’s me and Rebecca’s thing. But it should’ve been a red flag when you didn’t pivot. How could I have missed all the signs? I was just so happy to see that purple jacket and excited about the idea of seeing Rebecca that I wasn’t thinking straight. I am so sorry you got caught up in this. This is totally my fault.

Okay, well it seems like you were going somewhere. Sorry about all this, again, but it was nice to meet you. I’ll say hi next time!

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