According to sources at sea, shitty 18th- century sea captain Pino “No-Beard” Di- Angelo says his black and white map makes it super hard to tell which part is land and which is ocean. “Well, if the ocean is this inside part here, then we have a loooong way to go before we even see land,” said DiAngelo, holding the map upside down. “But if it’s this part on the outside, then that would mean we reached our destina- tion about three months ago. What do you reckon this part here is a river, or is that just a tea-stain? Hey who was it that burned all
the edges of this thing? That wasn’t a very smart decision.” At press time, DiAngelo thought everything seemed really far away until he realized he was looking through his spyglass the wrong way.

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