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The Brown Noser

Olympic Hammer Thrower Trying To Leverage Bronze Medal Into Some Sort Of Endorsement

Published Friday, March 11th, 2016

Explaining just how much work it takes to even make it to the Olympics, Hammer Thrower Koji Murofushi expressed his desire to levy his 2012 third-place finish into some sort of endorsement deal, even one with a lower-tier brand like Quaker Oats or Cuties Tangerines. "I know it's not gold, but it should be worth something," said Murofushi, who has reportedly started wearing the bronze medal every day in the hopes of attracting the attention of brand representatives who might want him to act in or pose for a commercial series. "I reached out to Arm and Hammer first, but now I'm running out of options. Burt's bees, KB toys, Swatch, Altec-Lansing. Nothing. I don't understand it. Who wouldn't want an Olympic hammer thrower representing them? I have incredible upper-body strength. I'd wear literally any type of shoe forever if they pitched in a few bucks. I could throw an iPhone probably 90 meters if it were on a chain of some sort. Tim Cook, give me a call." Murofushi insisted we publish his phone number and professional headshot: +81-234-555-6035.

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