Partly Cloudy, 64°
After weeks of scathing comments, sources have begun to speculate that the only chance of redemption for members of the Brown Concert Agency consists of deleting posts from social media, fleeing the country, and quietly living out the rest of their days as kindly dairy farmers in rural mountain villages.
“They’ve gotten so much hate recently that their only option is to remove all of the posts from the BCA Instagram,” said sophomore Julia Corne, rolling her eyes at a poster of Yves Tumor. “And then, after that, they should probably flee the United States, move into a yurt in a remote region of Latvia, raise a herd of milk-goats, and become the soft-spoken village dairy provider. It’s really their only shot to shake off this bad reputation.”
According to polling, the majority of the student body agrees that the only shot for BCA members to re-enter campus’ good graces would be to archive their recent social media posts and then find tranquility as a cheesemaker in a far-away pastoral village, where their only critics are the braying donkeys and where the meaning of life is simpler, kinder.
“At this point, they really need to revamp their social media accounts, starting with deleting several posts,” Corne continued. “And also, they really need to leave the country as quickly as possible and live a quiet life off the grid somewhere in a tiny European mountain village. Otherwise, they’ll never be able to come back from this.”
At press time, BCA member John Crawley was living under the name Mitja in a ramshackle cottage in Bovec, Slovenia.
