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The Brown Noser

Open-Minded College Student Eager to Explain Why Everything You Believe in is Wrong

Published Friday, March 9th, 2018

Sources report that Shannon Carlson, a self-proclaimed open-minded college student, is eager to explain why everything you believe in is wrong.

“I’ve made it a point to become an active and empathetic listener,” reports Carlson, who commonly tunes out whenever someone she disagrees with is talking, so she can brainstorm her devastating rebuttal.

“I really want to understand where someone is coming from, what struggles they went through, and why something is important to them,” explained Carlson, who asks a series of clarifying and open-ended questions before proceeding to call someone ignorant and make blanket statements about their life experiences.

At press time, Carlson was talking at you.

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