Tuesday, September 26, 2023
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The Brown Noser

Our Curriculum Is Open, So Why Can’t Our Relationship Be? by Tad Johnson, '26

Published Friday, September 16th, 2022

Babe, I think we should talk. You know, these last few months have been some of the best of my life. I’ve enjoyed our nightly FaceTime calls, our weekend trips to the city, and even meeting your parents at that extremely awkward dinner at Olive Garden. We are so perfect together –– but I think as we start this next semester together as a couple, we should seriously consider an open relationship, just like our amazing curriculum here at Brown.

I know this sounds a little crazy. But the hallmark of a Brown education is the Open Curriculum: the freedom to try new things, discover ourselves, and go outside of our comfort zones. See, I think we would be foolish to not take advantage of all the University’s resources with an open relationship — I mean, practically the entire school is on Tinder. Do you really want to go the entire semester without at least one more sloppy dance-floor make-out with a boy whose name you don’t even know? That's true intellectual curiosity.

The beauty of the Open Curriculum is that even if you know your preferred area of study, you can still experiment with new classes and departments during shopping period. And in my opinion, the same goes for a relationship where we also see other people. Because, aside from whatever random hookups we may “shop” over the course of the semester, we will always have each other. And I just want you to know, babe, that if your 3 AM booty call doesn’t work out, you can always come over to my dorm — assuming, of course, that I’m not with someone else for the night.

So whaddya say, babe? Let’s give this whole open relationship thing a good ol’ college try. Why don't we have a little fun this year and then by the end of our sophomore year we can settle down? That’s when we have to declare concentrations, anyways.

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