Partly Cloudy, 64°
POINT: She loves you, and you’ll be together forever!
Did you see the way she looked in your direction in class today? She was totally trying to send you signals, you should definitely ask for her number. I know that you two have only talked like three times, but she can tell that you’re a stand-up guy, and we just know that she wants to be more than just classmates.
Remember that time she wore that Smiths shirt to class? That’s your favorite band! You two are so compatible, and if you just make the first move, we think she’ll be really receptive. Can’t you picture it? You two bond over music, and then you ask her to be your girlfriend, and she says yes! Then you get married and have two beautiful kids and live together forever and ever. You won’t even have any marital problems! It will be smooth sailing the whole time, and she’ll only love you more as time passes.
I know those three even-numbered petals are going to try and convince you otherwise, but you have to believe us. This is real love, totally unshakable! Those even petals are just bullies, don’t pay them any mind. You have to trust that you are worth it and you are lovable. We know that she will love you for who you really are, you just gotta go for it, man!
COUNTERPOINT: She loves you not, and she never will!
She does not fuck with you, bro. You’re a total loser, you’ve always been a loser, and she and everyone else can see that clear as day. She was probably looking at Caleb sitting behind you when she looked in your direction today. Caleb is way hotter, and he plays sports, you don’t even play sports. We wouldn’t be surprised if she had no idea who you even are. You’re probably like a speck of dirt to her, totally irrelevant.
No matter how hard you try, or how much you change yourself, she will never love you. That Smiths shirt she wore? Probably a hand-me-down that she wears in an ironic kind of way, not because she actually likes them. The Smiths make geezer music, you’re a geezer. Did you really think that your sorry ass had anything in common with a beautiful and cool girl like her? She is way out of your league. If you tried to ask her out, she’d probably laugh in your face. Then the whole school will think you’re a loser who gets no play, and they would be right.
Those three odd petals are being nice to you, but they don’t really mean it. They probably want to see you embarrass yourself. You’re much better off staying home and never talking to girls again. If you’re lucky, you’ll be someone’s second or third choice later down the line.
