Partly Cloudy, 64°
Point: You Need To Call Me Every Day To Tell Me How You’re Doing And Make Sure To Drink Enough Water And Eat Plenty Of Fruits And Veggies by Mom
Darling, I know you’re having so much fun at college. I just have one teensy tiny little request: you need to make sure to call me every single day to tell me how you’re doing and also you need to make sure to drink enough water and also you need to eat five servings of fruits and vegetables every day. ‘Kay?
Also, dear, please make sure you’re getting eight hours of sleep every night! But not too much sleep because you know Sheila—you know my friend Sheila from the club? you used to have playdates with her son when you were little?— well anywho she sent me an article that too much sleep can actually be bad for you. I know you’re a college student and all now, but I don’t want my little sleepyhead sleeping through all those fun college memories he could be making!
Oh! Do you need me to buy you that ointment for your rashes? You know how your rashes act up when you’re stressed. I’ll call the doctor to get you that medicated ointment prescription that helps with the rashes you get on your you-know-what. Well, I know you don’t want to, dear, but Dr. Finkelstein said you need to apply it generously every day if you’re gonna prevent a major breakout.
Ooh! I’ll also send you a care package every month with any snacks for your dorm that you need. Or does a care package every week sound better? I can also send some of those little gummy things you love so much. I know how much you love little gummy things!
Please, darling, do call every day to tell me everything you’re up to. I won’t take more than an hour or three from you!
But please don’t call past 8 PM; that’s when mommy watches Scandal! Love you!
Counterpoint: What’s The Name Of That School You Go To Again? by Dad
Hey there, champ! Say, remind me, what’s the name of that school you go to?
I know it’s something weird like a color or a thing or something. Wait, wait, wait, don’t tell me! It’s uh… ummm….. okay darnit I give up! It’s called what? Brown? Hah, why not Green? Or Blue? Hah! Blue University? Get it?
And you’re what now, a junior? Oh, you’re a freshman! Huh. Freshman year. Y’know I met your mother my freshman year in college. So, uh, no pressure! Hah.
Anywho, school going good so far? Good. Good.
Alrighty then, champ! Bye now. Talk to ya in a month!
