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The Brown Noser

Party “Bouncer” Just Adolescent Boy With Wide Spread Legs

Published Friday, May 12th, 2023

According to reports from a party, the bouncer is just a young boy with his legs spread apart.

“A lot of people will try to get in off the list,” said James Conway with both edges of his feet touching the door frame, “but no one gets past me.”

“People try to go over, under, left, right,” said Conway stretching his arms out to the frame, “It’s all pointless, I’m impenetrable.”

“It’s about safety,” said Conway, standing at 5’ 10’’ 87.5 pounds, “Without me, chaos would ensue. Who knows what could happen.”

At press time, Conway was seen attempting to prevent commuters from jumping the subway turnstile.

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