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Passengers on the lost Malaysia flight 370 were found alive in Turkey with surprisingly defined hairlines.
“Thank God they’re back,” said Amy Pollack, the wife of an American passenger, surprisingly not referring to her husband’s hair follicles. “I mean, we’re all a little confused. Since he disappeared, I wasn’t really able to sleep. But yesterday, I woke up next to my husband, choking on a singular strand of his hair. It’s just that thick!”
“I just can’t believe it’s been 10 years. So much has happened. I think he’s just starting to process that there are people he’ll never get to see again,” added Mrs. Pollack, standing beside her husband, whose face was cloaked by a luscious windswept blowout. “I mean, he’ll probably be able to hear them. But boy, if we don’t get him some hair gel soon, we’re in trouble.”
At press time, Amelia Earhart was found alive in Brazil with a suspiciously lifted butt.
